Senkha & Oliver: March 17

Senkha sighs at her desk and the contract on it. "Did you get a chance to visit the Quel'Talan today?"

Oliver kicks the door shut behind them. "Ah'd want t'speak t'Maryus, if anybody. He wun' avail'ble."
Oliver says: An' lahk hell Ah'm talkin' t' Strahm.
Oliver says: Where y'want me t' put y'down?

Senkha nods. "I wish the three of us could just sit down and -talk this out-. Um...let's go upstairs. To bed. I'm not working tonight."
Senkha says: I went to the office today and read over my books...I've got my work cut out for me.

Oliver smiles, turning toward the stairs. "Well at least y'have some good news, eh?" After a pause, he adds, "Oh, could y'unbuckle th' belt over my chest? May's well make yah earn yer ride."

Senkha does so as they reach the bed, holding onto the straps. "Just let me know when I can let go. Don't want to break it."
Senkha says: ...Light, I think it's been since...I don't know when that I've undressed you.

Oliver curls one arm more supportively under her and grabs the strap himself. He lowers her down onto the bed. "Ah never said anythin' about undressin'." He gives a sly smirk, though it falters a little as he turns to prop his blade on the wall.

Senkha hikes up her skirt and starts undoing her braces. The left one, as usual, takes no time at all, but she actually has to undo half of her robe and sit there half naked to remove the right. "Mm, just a thought. Something we ought to try in the future."
Senkha says: I don't know why I thought of it.

Oliver turns around, looking nonplussed. "Whut, undressin'?"

Senkha says: Mm. It never occurred to me until just now.

Oliver undoes the clasps connecting his cloak to his spaulders. He balls it up in his hands, all the while giving her that same peculiar look. "Ah think there's a perfec'ly good reason fer that." He dumps the cloak onto the floor in a ball next to his sword.

Senkha says: That being you're dead. You're looking at me strangely, love.

Oliver shakes his head and laughs softly as he walks over to her. "Let's... pass on th' undressin' thing."

Senkha smiles as well, holding out her hands to him. "I meant...well, you know. When we do our usual...yes. That. We rarely undress."

Oliver begins to hold his hands out to her, but pauses before he's close enough for her to reach. He blinks. "We do?"

Senkha says: Mm. We always start completely naked.

Oliver says: ... Hadn' realahzed that was such a big deal.
Oliver sits on the wooden foot of the bed.

Senkha chuckles. "It's not really. It hadn't even occurred to me before now. Just...it'd be nice." She scoots over and rests her head on his arm.

Oliver says: ... That a request 'a some kahnd?

Senkha smiles contentedly, apparently happy to just be sitting by him. "Eventually. Not now, though." She looks up at Oliver, her smile fading. "Are you alright? I was really worried about you yesterday."

Oliver rubs the back of his neck. After a moment of looking contemplative, he just laughs and says, "Shit, Ah can't really lie t' you anyway."

Senkha shakes her head, still looking up at Oliver with a slight, concerned smile. She links her fingers with his.

Oliver says: ... No, Senkha. Ah ain't okay. Ah's in now way proud 'a whut Ah did. Ah don't deserve t' live after that.
Oliver says: An' Ah know, here it comes, Ah know -exactly- whut yer gunna say.

Senkha doesn't say anything; she just looks at Oliver, fingers still laced together, listening.

Oliver says: Yer gunna tell me, 'Oliver, bein' dead won't change it. Oliver, Ah wanted t' do that. Oliver, y'promised yuh'd not think this way n'more.' An' yeah,

Senkha, it's all true. Y'ain't said it yet, but yer right.

Senkha says: --why?

Oliver says: Why what?

Senkha says: You knew what you were doing all along. Why did you go through with it?
Senkha hasn't left her spot at his side, fingers still laced with his. She's watching him curiously but with a warmth in her eyes.

Oliver says: ... Ah couldn' tell you.

Senkha hums thoughtfully. "...it wasn't because I can't walk anymore, was it? It wasn't because you felt sorry for me?"

Oliver says: Ah told you Ah don't know -why-!

Senkha keeps her voice calm and soothing. "Alright, love. It's alright. I was just asking."
Senkha says: I know that I should hate you for what you did, and maybe someday, when I'm more removed from it, I'll think about it logically. But...
Senkha shrugs, not willing to go on, considering he's already said her usual spiel as if he had it memorized.

Oliver does have it memorized. He tilts his head back in silent frustration before letting out a dry, raspy-sounding sigh. "If'n there was any good left in me, Ah'd 'a confessed to th' church by now."

Senkha says: Did you?

Oliver says: ... No.
Oliver says: Nobody's ever gunna know. Light help me, nobody's ever gunna know.

Senkha shakes her head. "I'm not exactly singing it from the rooftops." She shrugs, still looking at Oliver. After a moment, she adds, "I love you."

Oliver flinches and then turns to pull her into a tight hug. "Ah'm sorry. 'M so sorry. Ah know y'don't care, but Ah done yuh evil an' Ah don't think there's any way t'be sorry enough."

Senkha returns the hug with as much strength as she has, which still isn't much, all things considered. "I can't judge you for it, and I forgive you, whether you think you deserve it or not."

Oliver lets her go, back to sitting as he was. "... That's up t' you."

Senkha reaches up to touch Oliver's face, still not having stopped hugging him. "I know you'll never forgive yourself no matter what I do. It's part of what I love about you." She smiles at him sadly.

Oliver says: ... Ah'm jus' scared fer you.

Senkha says: I know. But...
Senkha sighs softly. "Secretly, I honestly think my soul's been damned for a while now. It's only been recently that I've started repenting again for the horrible things I do, and even then, it's only some of the things."
Senkha says: Not to mention that I've done this willingly before.

Oliver drags a hand down his face. "Ah know y'think that. Hell, yer prob'ly right. But it-" His hand drops and his fingers tense and curl in a little bit in frustration. "Ah can't explain it."

Senkha says: But you made it certain. For me and for yourself.

Oliver says: Ah a'ready spit in m' own moral code jus' by bein' around. Whut Ah did was beyond- It ain't even about cer'nty 'a damnation 'r whut, it's jus' about whut's -right-.

Senkha frowns at this, arms still around Oliver. "Second time in two days I've heard that," she comments idly.

Oliver groans, leaning against the bedpost, probably causing her to lean with him. "Ah know. Ah know y'has, an' Ah know y'hate t' hear it, but Ah -would- be there if'n it didn' mean so much t' tha both 'a yah that Ah not go."

Senkha says: ...if we hadn't just gotten back, if it wasn't for Dizzy, I would be, too.
Senkha says: --and if I could walk. That would be a nice thing to be able to do in a battle.

Oliver says: ... It was mostly 'cause Ah felt bad y'couldn' fight.

Senkha nods, resting her head against Oliver's chest. "I figured as much. I was just...surprised that you let me take control immediately. I was honestly only hoping to come along for the ride." She gives Oliver a weak smile and a nudge.

Oliver says: ... Whut d'you plan on doin'. Na' y'done that.
While his thoughts are hazy, it's pretty impossible for him to hide, even by his facial expression, that he's not quite over the self-hate and is merely trying to support her perspective. Marriage survival skills are go.

Senkha 's smile fades; she closes her eyes and takes hold of Oliver's hands. A moment later, he would feel her seeking out the nerve endings in his hands, trying to reactivate them. Even if it's just that middle finger again.

Oliver tries to jerk his hands away from her, but he freezes and gives a cry of surprise. His fingers curl in on themselves as the feeling is knitted back into them. "Senkha, no! What d'you-"

Senkha clenches her jaw and holds tightly to his hands. She gives his mouth and lips the same treatment before retreating and opening her eyes, looking at Oliver quite seriously.

Oliver flexes his fingers in her grip, wincing again at the powerful sensation of the heated room and the flesh of her hands on the three fingertips her efforts managed to save. "Don't-- do that!"

Senkha says: Why.

Oliver takes a moment to find the right words. He's stopped trying to slip his hands out of her grip. "Havin' done wrong ain't a excuse t' do more wrong," he finally says.

Senkha sighs and shakes her head. "That's just it. I refuse to believe that you let--made--this happen for no reason. I can heal you now. I can heal Death Knights who've been badly injured and can't get to Acherus. And I can do good."

Oliver says: It was a thought! A thought Ah regret with every -part- 'a me!

Senkha says: I don't regret it.

Oliver says: Ah can't make you.

Senkha says: Then stop trying, please.
Senkha shifts away from Oliver, flexing her hands and rubbing her fingers together, as if she's getting feeling in her hands for the first time in ages, too.

Oliver looks down at his hands. He rubs the thumb and middle fingertip of his right hand together in silence. He does this for quite some time.

Senkha also sits quietly for a while, eventually saying, "...didn't manage with your lips, did I?"

Oliver shakes his head slowly, his eyes fixated on his fingers.

Senkha nods, looking back down at her lap. "I'm sorry," she says, after a moment.

Oliver unbuckles and tugs off the gauntlet covering his right hand. He turns his palm quickly face up as he sees the gauntleted fist etched into the back of his hand.
Oliver lifts his hand to touch the decayed side of his face, just as he did before. He runs his middle finger over the teeth and down the curve of the jaw.
Oliver smiles, finally. "No y'ain't."

Senkha presses her lips together. "--are you?"

Oliver trails his thumb down one side of his chin, his middle finger down the other, meeting them where the flesh yields to decay. "Yes." Mostly.

Senkha says: I'm not sorry I did it. I'm sorry that you didn't want it. And I'm sorry that doing it hurts you.

Oliver then lowers his hand and places it on her thigh, feeling the fabric of her robe. "Yuh'd do it again in a heartbeat."

Senkha slowly smiles, moving closer to Oliver once again. "I would. Love...if you don't want me to heal you or seal your wounds, I won't, out of respect for you, but...I would like it if you would allow me to."

Oliver watches his hand run over the fabric, the connection of the senses sight and touch still an oddity for him. "Ah don't wanna be advuhcatin' nuthin'. But maybe yer right. Maybe in this one case, it jus' don't fuckin' matter 'cause we's a'ready..."

Senkha says: ...damned.
Senkha said it.

Oliver says: -- Yeah.
Oliver 's hand drops back into his lap. It's not a second later that he's running his fingers over his tabard, though.

Senkha says: ...it doesn't feel any different from before.

Oliver says: Ah'd suspect it don't.
Oliver says: Wouldn' usually feel it 'less y'was dead.

Senkha says: What'd it feel like for you, the first time you knew?
Senkha says: More of the same? Or does it feel worse?

Oliver says: ... Humbled.

Senkha says: Humbled?

Oliver says: ... Y'realahz whut a gift th' rest 'a yer lahf is, knowin' whut awaits yuh beyond it.

Senkha nods with a shaky sort of laugh. "It's...kind of a relief, honestly. I feel like I can actually start doing good things now because I'm not doing them just to keep from going to hell or to get to heaven."

Oliver seems to consider a moment. He finally looks at her, and he gives the faintest hint of a smile.

Senkha meets his smile with one of her own. It's tentative and nervous, but genuine.

Oliver says: ... Then we commit noble sins. You an' me. T' help each other.
Oliver seems all at once ashamed, resigned, and relieved to say this.

Senkha reaches over and laces her fingers with Oliver's. "It's all I've ever wanted," she admits, her voice slightly choked. "To be able to help you."

Oliver says: ... Should Ah list th' ways y'a'ready have?

Senkha laughs softly, shaking her head. "We go through this often, I know. I'm just...you know, it's like an enormous burden off my shoulders. Not something I'm thrilled about, objectively, but I...I feel less afraid."

Oliver says: Would y'wanna do it again. Whut we did.

Senkha hesitates a moment before nodding. "I would. Not because of the...incredibleness of it. I just..." She sighs, unable to explain herself with words, but it's clear that the closeness was something that meant a lot to her.
Senkha says: Would you?

Oliver looks hesitant and pained to admit, "...Yes."

Senkha says: ...was it better? Not being alone in it?

Oliver says: Ah'd rather we not talk about it more.
Oliver 's voice shakes, as if choking back heavy emotion.

Senkha nods and kisses Oliver's cheek. "Alright. If that's what you want." She doesn't attempt to conceal her unsated curiosity, but she doesn't pry or ask again. She just holds him.

Oliver doesn't stimulate the conversation any further. He falls quiet, again looking down at his hands as he runs his fingertip over a cool metal legplate, exploring his new sense of touch.